“I guess we’re all going to have to wait until Nov. 9 to find out if we still have a country."
"I did not know this, but when American men gather to sport, they always speak of grabbing women by the Billy Bush."
"Trump has been fending off attacks like a woman meeting Donald Trump."
“I don’t see any promotions for the last eight years, that’s not always good. Can you explain that?”
“Well, we gave him a chance. Bye chance, thank you for stopping by. Good to see you, chance.”
“As a white man, I know that any emotions I’m feeling are likely a fraction of those being felt by the LGBTQ community, African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Muslim Americans, and any number of the immigrant communities so vital to our country. Hopefully, the Trump administration and Trump supporters will be compassionate to them, because they need your compassion.”
"He looks like a Scooby Doo villain who's so self-centered he used a mask of his own face."
“He showed up at a benefit for kids with AIDS and pretended to be a donor. That sounds like a storyline from an episode of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm.'”
“Donald Trump got elected based on a lot of campaign promises. Less than a week later, he’s dropping them like they’re a woman who just turned 45.”
“That is one one hell of a performance, especially by President Obama, which means at least one black person should get nominated for an Oscar this year.”
“I know its real, but my mind can’t accept it.”
“There’s a reason everything is going wrong for Donald Trump. It’s because he is a terrible man, who has done terrible things, and has a terrible plan for the country.”
LAST WEEK TONIGHT
You're going to want to watch this 29-minute tribute to "a truly terrible year."