"You don’t get to flog this issue for five years and then act like you’re correcting everybody else! We’re not crazy. We were there! We all saw you do it! Even the people who support you saw you do it! It’s why they support you!”
“Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia, or as some call it, ‘Lunghazi’...Not many people. So far, just me. But some.” Well, do you have a better name for it?
“One thing’s for sure, Pam Bondi is the only person in the world who made money from Trump University.”
“That there is his signature dance move: Shift a little to the left, shift a little to the right, same thing he does with his immigration policy."
“You don’t get to peddle racist rhetoric for five years and decide when it’s over. We decide when it’s over.”
"Trump is being sued by a group of children because he won't pay them. Think of how sad that is. Right now, the USA Freedom Kids are at home trying to find words that rhyme with subpoena."
“If you’re watching Fox News for information about the upcoming election you might as well cut out the middleman and ask Mom what her Facebook friends are saying. ‘You know, Linda says that Hillary has been a ghost for 10 years. I don’t know, it had 54 likes.'” Can anyone confirm this? Nancy? Debra?
"What’s the matter, you couldn’t think of an insult that made you sound like a richer, whiter lady? ‘Basket of deplorables’ sounds like what they call the bargain bin at Neiman Marcus.”
"Why do you think Barack Obama wasn't in the Oval Office on 9/11?" "That I don't know. I'd like to get to the bottom of that."
“Four hours to learn how to shoot a gun? I had a job at Baskin Robbins. It took them a week to teach me how to scoop ice cream.”
“Let me tell you something about the greatest country in the world. The greatest country is the country that accepts people who come in from everywhere in the world, Mr. Donald Trump.”
“Just sit us down, look us in the eye, and tell us the truth.”
LAST WEEK TONIGHT
“Just think about how triumphant it would feel to say on national television, ‘I openly ran on a platform of impossibly ignorant proposals steeped in racial bigotry and nobody stopped me. In fact you embraced me for it.'"