“Other options included ‘First Gentleman, Second Base,’ and my personal favorite, ‘I’m with Her, and Her, and Her.’”
“It can’t really go on like this for four years, can it? I’m gonna lose my mind.”
Trump: Now I pretend that I like you, but I hate you inside.
Obama: You’re a creep.
“The whole day was swollen with lugubrious pomp and freighted with menace that left a lot of us feeling like we’d just installed Trump Emperor of Dune. It was surreal, and frankly, not very funny.”
“If a Walmart could vomit, this is what it would look like.”
“I wish I’d known about alternative facts in high school. I would have had straight A’s.”
Spicer: This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration. Period.
Meyers: Period? Don’t you mean double question marks?