“If a Walmart could vomit, this is what it would look like.”
Spot the difference.
“Last night’s Republican debate focused on the themes of terrorism and foreign policy. And it’s a good thing too, because during the debate I spotted nine people who had definitely been radicalized by ISIS.” – Seth Meyers, on the GOP candidates
Star Wars fans began camping out for the premiere in Los Angeles a week in advance. “Said the fans, this counts as sleeping with someone, right?” – Seth Meyers
“According to a new national poll, Donald Trump has support from 41 percent of Republican voters. This story was first reported when it was yelled by Donald Trump.” – Seth Meyers
President Obama revealed his favorite song of 2015 was “How Much a Dollar Cost” by Kendrick Lamar. Not to be outdone, Hillary revealed her favorite song of 2015 was ‘Whatever Will Get You to Like Me.’ – Justin Bieber
Jeb Bush said he thinks “its important for voters to know that his religious beliefs contribute to his decision making. He said his Christian faith is what gave him the idea to only have twelve supporters.”