“Doing nothing is cowardice. Doing something will take courage.”
Trump: The birth certificate thing, now I’m accusing you of tapping my phones. We’re like rivals!
Obama: No, we’re not. I’m an ex-president and you’re an insane person.
“I was just wondering if you saw that I rescinded your bill allowing Transformers to use human bathrooms.”
Colbert: “It should’ve been a great moment for African-Americans, but there’s always a catch. ‘Here’s your Oscar, but some white folks get to touch it first.’”
“Can I declare war on Nordstrom?…Can I invade Nordstrom?…What about Nordstrom Rack?”
Obama: Kind of odd you didn’t approve of presidents issuing executive orders back when I was doin’ it.
Trump: That’s cause I didn’t know how much fun it was. I just signed one making all Asian people Japanese.
“Bannon said that for every 10 papers I sign, I get to watch another cartoon.”