Jordan Klepper can’t keep track of all the mass shootings

Another mass shooting, another night of late night hosts opening their shows with sorrowful messages and calls for change. Not from Jordan Klepper, the fake alt-right blowhard, though. He simply couldn’t figure out which shooting was which.

On Monday’s The Opposition, Klepper opened his show with a huge pile of newspapers on his desk, all with mass shootings on the front page and he had to dig through the pile just to find the most recent.

“Yesterday, an angry deranged man with a gun took innocent lives in a kind of violence none of us thought we’d ever see,” Klepper began.

“Our nation experienced a heartbreaking unparalleled tragedy,” he went on, before looking down at the top newspaper and realizing it said October 1 in Las Vegas.

He then picked up another, and another, and another—July 5 in Madison, ME, April 7 in St. Paul, MN, and so on.

“These are all mass shootings from this year?! This is too much! We need to do something about – this desk! How am I supposed to tell any of these apart?”

“No other desk in the developed world looks like this!!”


Klepper then went on to discuss the continued rhetoric of the “good guy with a gun”  argument after it was revealed that a man with a rifle stopped the Texas shooter after he had killed 26 people and shot 20 others.

“You might say, ‘But how do we know if a guy was that good?’ Well, we can have a vote where we as Americans come together to choose which guys we think are so good we trust them to protect us, and then, all of those guys, they work together to stop future shootings. Maybe they even stop bad guys from getting guns in the first place!” Klepper said.

“Guys that good, they probably wouldn’t even need to carry a gun to stop these shootings — they can just assemble and legislate change. Those good guys are good! So remember to write your congressman and tell them to get out there and find those good guys we need.”


One thought on “Jordan Klepper can’t keep track of all the mass shootings

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s