Pulling out and dusting off yet another box from deep within a State Floor closet, President Trump continued his exhaustive search of the White House’s many compartments for former President Clinton’s stash of Playboy magazines this weekend.
On the few weekends since his inauguration that he hasn’t been at one of his resorts, Trump has employed the help of dozens of secret servicemen to scour the depths of White House pantries, cabinets, and war rooms looking for what many believe to be one of the greatest collections of salacious periodicals in existence.
“I am now diverting all White House resources to this hugely important search,” Trump declared from behind a Lincoln Bedroom armoire.
Once a chummy friend of the Clintons, Trump admitted to hearing legends of the former leader’s collection from the man himself. “We were golfing at my National Golf Club in ’98 and old Billy confessed to having a nudey mag collection that would rival the Library of Congress.”
“That’s cause I pillaged the Library of Congress,” Former President Clinton confessed when asked to comment. “Did you know they had titty mags? Well, they did. And to be honest, by the time I got to ‘em, the premium issues were long gone. You’ll have to check LBJ’s basement for the good stuff.”