Chelsea Handler seems to know a little bit about having a “narcissistic bullshit artist” for a father, so on this week’s Chelsea, which streams new episodes on Netflix every Friday, Handler spoke to Ivanka Trump directly about how she should handle the president.
“Ivanka was sold to us as the progressive voice of reason who would be able to moderate Trump’s crazy impulses,” Handler said of her early hopes for the president’s daughter. “But whenever he does anything reprehensible, she skips town,” she remarked, explaining that Ivanka seems to ski every time her father does something crazy.
“Ivanka was supposed to be our Wonder Woman, but now we’re just wondering where the f—k that woman is.”
“Listen up, bitch,” Handler addressed Ivanka. “I know you’re approaching this in the traditional way that daughters typically show fathers how much they care—by whining about the vicious media on Fox & Friends. But your father isn’t normal. And I know this because my father isn’t normal either.”
“But the one thing my father is not is the president of the United States,” Handler said. “He doesn’t have the power to pull out of the Paris accord. He barely has the power to pull out of his Jamaican night nurse.”
So her solution for Ivanka this Father’s Day is to “put him in a nursing home” and “walk away.”
“Your dad already wanders around the house at night in his bathrobe, eating chocolate cake and muttering about the news,” she said. “You can line his bedpan with the Constitution so he can keep on shitting on it.”