WASHINGTON — After being granted a one-day pass from the Underworld with hopes that he might redeem his historical reputation, the ghost of Andrew Jackson left the body of Donald Trump Monday afternoon after controlling it long enough to send a self-confident tweet.
Flowing through an open orifice with a soft puff of air, the 7th President of the United States exited the body of the 45th in accordance with Satan’s mandate, and returned to his Oval Office painting to watch the aftermath of his visit unfold.
Andrew Jackson sold his slaves to the Devil to get a day in the president’s loose skin, and after spending 16 hours trying to stay inside of him without flying out an open hole, Jackson didn’t waste one minute of his 8 hours in Trump’s rustic hide.
As the spectrum found his footing in Trump’s footing, he did what any populist leader would do and called into Salena Zito’s “Main Street Meets the Beltway” radio program. And when he couldn’t get a white man on the phone he went ahead and told Zito he would have stopped the Civil War if he had been president a little later, adding, under his breath, “And owned 150 fewer slaves.”
Before he could send more than a clarifying tweet to the now even more confused American public, Jackson’s soul was sucked back into his canvas where he watched his self-expressed renown immediately sputter out. When asked if he was satisfied with his visit, Jackson’s ghost said, “You think the Trail of Tears was bad? Try traversing the inner Trail of Trump.” His painting has not yet tweeted an apology to the Native American Rights Fund for the comment.