On Wednesday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert reported on recent news that Wells Fargo opened 1.5 million bank accounts and 565,000 credit cards for unknowing customers in order to accrue millions in fees. Colbert ridiculed the bank, but he left the real jabs up to Senator Elizabeth Warren, who criticized CEO John G. Stumpf when he testified before the Senate Banking Committee.
“Your definition of accountability is to push this on your low-level employees,” Warren said. “This is gutless leadership.” She then asked Stumpf if he returned any of the $200 million he’d earned through the scandal. He responded, “The board will take care of that,” Warren said, “I will take that as a no.”
“She will take that as a no,” Colbert reacted, “and place the no in the bag where she put his balls.”
“That’s how you teach white collar crime does not pay,” Colbert went on. “It’s like when a cop catches a burglar in the act of robbing a house and says, ‘Put down that TV, buddy. Now here’s $200 million.'”
Apparently, Stumpf advised employees to aim for eight accounts per customer, because “Eight rhymes with great.”
“I gotta say, that makes him sound like something that rhymes with a real grass bowl,” Colbert concluded. “It’s asshole.”