John Oliver taunts America with everything it gave up by declaring Independence from Great Britain

Last Week Tonight is on hiatus until July 24, but John Oliver couldn’t let Independence Day come and go without taunting Americans with all of the British things they’ve missed out on since declaring Independence.

“First, there is the matter of your accents. These beautiful vowel sounds could have been yours. But instead, from sea to shining sea, you speak like you just burnt your tongue on a hot apple pie,” Oliver joked.

His argument only grew weaker from there as he teased the U.S for missing out on bowler hats, which are “perfect for dressing your head like a circumcised velvet penis,” and hot pies, which are just filled with “a hot f—king mess.”

“But the thing Americans are really missing out on is pessimism,” he said. “Americans are optimistic people who believe the sky is the limit. Whereas, in Britain, we are painfully aware of our limits. For instance, look at the British sky itself… even the sun is incapable of asserting itself there.”

Watch Oliver advise Americans to learn from the UK’s Brexit vote below.

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