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Donald Trump is planning on turning the Republican National Convention into one big reality show finale, and on Thursday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert imagined what that might look like. “Yes, Trump knows how to create drama — maybe even tragedy,” Colbert says in the clip above. He is even waiting until the convention to announce his running mate because, according to a Trump spokesman, “announcing the vice-presidential nominee before the convention is like announcing the winner of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ before the final show is on the air.”
“It’s an apt metaphor, because this year’s Republican convention will be the series finale of America,” Colbert points out. “I can’t wait to see the ‘in memoriam’ reel for liberty.” But first, Colbert imagines the marketing for the upcoming show, which will take place at Cleveland’s Quicken Loans arena, where monster truck and motocross events have been held. Naturally, the convention will probably have the same wild commercials.
“Monday! Tuesday! Wednesday! Thursday! — July 18-21, a four-day television event that’s going to rock what’s left of America! It’s the Trump Republican National Convention! There’s going to be yelling, angry white men, hats with words on them. Watch Donald Trump rope and brand a naked Ted Cruz — but that’s not all. Touch real brains at Dr. Ben Carson’s ‘freakatorium,’ and don’t miss the marital cage match — three wives enter, one wife leaves. And someone will be punched. Plus, Donald will announce his running mate, Truckasaurus. July 18-21, come one, come all — unless you’re a Muslim or a Mexican or a woman who’s not a ’10!'”