On Wednesday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert recapped Tuesday’s primary election in New York. To all New Yorkers, Colbert first says in the clip, “you did your part for democracy, and as a reward, you’re now eligible for jury duty,” before acknowledging that, with big wins from Clinton and Trump, “New Yorkers haven’t seen a thrashing this bad since any Knicks game.”
“On the Democratic side, it was a tough choice for New Yorkers,” says Stephen. “You go to the polls, you see old ladies working there, you wanna make them happy but you don’t know: Have they been waiting for their whole lives for a woman president, or are they friends with Bernie from aquarobics?” Meanwhile, an ominous sign showed up in the night sky as CNN turned the Empire State Building crimson with the news that Donald Trump had won the primary. “Dark crimson against a jet black sky…truly screams good tidings for all mankind.”
“Of course, the clearest message coming out of New York last night was: Suck it, Ted Cruz. Suck our New York values.” After his loss, Cruz claimed, “America has always been best when she is lying down with her back on the mat.” It was meant to be a wrestling metaphor, but Stephen has a different visual in mind.