Full Frontal Television

Samantha Bee asks why everybody hates Ted Cruz, then realizes why everybody hates Ted Cruz

"Even God can't stand to have a direct conversation with Ted Cruz. We really are made in His image!"

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Samantha Bee investigated Republican hatred for Ted Cruz on Monday’s episode of Full Frontal. “The GOP establishment is in a pickle, because the only guy within striking distance of Casino Mussolini is someone they hate just as much,” Bee says of the current frontrunners, Trump and Cruz. She then plays clips of Republicans expressing their extreme dislike of Cruz, including Lindsey Graham, who jokes, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody could convict you.” Even Bob Dole said he liked nearly all of the candidates, except Cruz. Bee clarifies, “Bob Dole singled Ted Cruz out for hatred, and Bob Dole has fought actual Nazis!”

So Bee asks, “Who is Ted Cruz, and why is he so hated?” To find out, she dives deep into Cruz’s past to bring up quotes of hatred from his college roommates, quotes of awkward from his autobiography, and clips of cringe from his destructive performance in “The Crucible” at Harvard, which included a whiny cry of “Why am I persecuted?”

The only people Bee finds that do like Cruz are the Dominionists, a group of people, including Cruz’s father, who want Christian control over the government and civic life. Some of them believe Jesus gave teachings condemning the capital gains tax, and “Jesus always drove to Mesopotamia to shop, because they don’t have a sales tax.” They also believe God has told them that Ted Cruz will succeed. Bee explains, “God tells ministers Ted’s destined for greatness, then God tells his wife he’s destined for greatness. Guys, the message is clear: Even God can’t stand to have a direct conversation with Ted Cruz,” she says. “We really are made in His image!”

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