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On Wednesday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert offered Donald Trump a pep talk and a meat-decorated trophy. In the most recent primaries, Donald Trump won a few states, including Hawaii, which now means “‘aloha’ means both ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye Republican party.'” But it is Trump’s speech that Stephen wants to discuss. “Did y’all catch his victory speech?” Stephen asks his audience. “I thought you did, because it was on every single channel. I think even Nick Jr. was running it, because I saw some sort of orange blob on TV.”
During his speech, in response to criticism from Mitt Romney, Trump championed all of his products, bringing out a table full of Trump water, wine, and steaks. “That’s right,” says Stephen, “Trump gave his victory speech next to a pyramid of raw steak. He was either trying to prove Mitt wrong, or introducing his new running mate. Trump-Pile of Meat 2016.”
Stephen realizes the real problem is that Trump is insecure and needs constant validation. “And isn’t that what all of us want? Love? Just love, and maybe steak? And if we just give that to him, maybe he’ll go away.” So, Stephen gives Trump a nice little pep talk, and offers him a position even better than president—and this one comes with a meaty trophy.