Super Tuesday is over, making yesterday “My God What Have We Done Wednesday” as Stephen Colbert recaps the results in this clip from Wednesday’s Late Show. On the Democratic side, “Hillary Clinton and the senator from the great state of your liberal friends Facebook feed, Bernie sanders,” battled it out. Despite his surge in polls, Bernie only won four of the 13 states. This was due to low turn out from Bernie’s supporters. “Evidently a lot of people who were feeling the Bern got cooled down by some Preparation-H.”
On the Republican side, “the voters spoke and they said, ‘Blaghrghalrugakrlakrltgh’ [sic].” Trump did very well, taking seven states, while Cruz took three, and Rubio only took one. Despite their poor showing, Rubio and Kasich both tried to spin the results as a win for their campaign. Stephen agrees “Kasich still has a clear path to the presidency. Just take the White House tour, sneak into the oval office, lock the door and claim squatter’s rights.” Apparently, that was the strategy of 1924 temporary leader Albert J. Raccoon. But the big news of Trump’s victory was Chris Christie’s actions during Trump’s rally. “Chris Christie kind of sounds like the best man at a wedding he never believed in,” Stephen says, before giving a toast to the bride.