Trevor Noah refereed the showdown between Apple and the FBI on Thursday’s Daily Show. This “Goliath versus Goliath” fight began when the FBI asked Apple for help getting into the locked iPhone of San Bernardino terrorist shooter Syed Farook. Apparently, Apple had already provided plenty of information to investigators, but declared the FBI had gone too far in requesting a “backdoor” to the iPhone, which could get into the wrong hands and spell disaster for all iPhone users. Trevor points out that Apple is so powerful, “they treat the FBI just like any other customer,” essentially saying, “you guys need to set up an appointment at the Genius Bar.”
A judge ordered Apple to cooperate, citing the All Writs Act of 1789. “This is a time when the hottest technology was wooden teeth,” but the FBI insists it will only be used for this one phone, so what’s the harm, right? Cue the report that the Department of Justice is asking Apple to unlock nine phones. Ok, ten is a good number. “We’re all good with ten,” suggest Trevor. Cue the report that further orders have been made for 175 Apple products with encryptions similar to Farook’s. Sure, just one, and then another, and then “one day everyone wakes up with no privacy rights, and diarrhea.” Oh, you may need some context for that last quote. Watch the clip to get it.