Trevor Noah had a week off, and returned to find that Trump had fought with the Pope, blamed bush for 9/11, and said he’d kill terrorists with bullets dipped in pig blood. As a result, South Carolina voters said, “Stop! We’ve heard enough!…You should be our president.” In his victory speech in South Carolina, Trump congratulated Cruz and Rubio, then said, of running for president, “it’s tough, it’s nasty, it’s mean, it’s vicious, it’s beautiful,” which Trevor points out, is probably how Trump describes himself. Trump brought on his wife Melania to thank the crowd and she spoke with a thick accent, surprising Trevor, and probably a few Trump supporters. “Hold on. Trump’s wife speaks immigrant?” He’s lucky he’s not running against himself, or else he’d never hear the end of it.
Meanwhile, in the loser’s corner, Jeb Bush suspended his campaign. His team spent $130 million on his campaign, including $84 million on ads and $10 million on consultants. But Trevor wonders what they consulted him on, “How to pump up a crowd” by saying “please clap?” It’s hard to believe Jeb was the frontrunner only a few months ago, but we can’t feel sorry for him. He’s not sorry for himself. He’s finally free.