Stephen Colbert broke down the results of Monday’s Iowa caucus on Tuesday’s Late Show. Iowa had it’s big night as the first major event of the presidential race, and now “everything has changed, in that, for the next four years, none of these people will step foot in Iowa for any reason.” The results for the Democrats was so close that “Hillary won by 3/10ths of 1 percent, or as it’s known in Iowa—Carl.” Some of the precincts had to break the tie between Hillary and Bernie by flipping a coin. That’s right, “the Democrats picked the winner last night the same way roommates decide who has to drive to Taco Bell.”
On the other side, Ted Cruz walked away with a win, so naturally, “Cruz’s victory means that everyone is talking about one thing: Donald Trump.” But Trump was surprisingly humble in his second place finish. So humble, that Stephen has to ask, “Who are you and what have you done with Donald Trump’s body?” As happy as Trump and Cruz were, no one was more happy than third place finisher Marco Rubio, because, as Stephen realizes, “Apparently finishing in third is a guaranteed path to victory. Which is why, tonight, I am placing a large Super Bowl bet on the Arizona Cardinals!” Check out the clip to see if he wins.
Watch Trevor Noah‘s take on the caucus