Late Night with Seth Meyers
Seth reports that Star Wars fans began camping out for the premiere in Los Angeles a week in advance. “Said the fans, this counts as sleeping with someone, right?” In political news, the Republican debates were held last night, but Seth filmed early, so he could only take a guess at what happened: “Trump offended minorities, Cruz dissed Obama, and John Kasich ate his podium out of frustration.” Pretty accurate prediction.
The Late Late Show with James Corden
James Corden served up some international news about the royal dog of Thailand. A man was arrested for making an insulting internet posts about the King of Thailand’s dog, which is weird, James says, because “of all the stories I’ve heard about Thailand, this is definitely the one that’s the least about sex.” The man could receive 37 years in prison, which Corden jokes is 259 dog years. This leads him to wonder if we are too precious about our animals. A zoo in Massachusetts has begun selling artwork painted by the animals. Each piece of artwork is called some variation of “Someone gives me a fish when I do this.”
Conan reports on the Republican debate that took place in Las Vegas. “The Vegas debate included nine candidates and, due to a little mix up, Celine Dion and a white tiger.” A new study claims the stress of being president takes three years of your life, “so suddenly everyone is thinking of voting for Trump.” In a casino the other night, Trump declared that he would win Iowa, “which is odd, because usually when Trump is around a casino, the only thing he declares is bankruptcy.”
The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon
Reporters are saying this could be one of the warmest Christmases in 30 years, so Jimmy says people on the East Coast are now being forced to change their traditions. Last year, “people left out milk and cookies for Santa.” This year, “people leave out a cool rag and a stick of Mitchum deodorant.” Last year, “Santa made a list of who’s naughty or nice.” This year, “Santa makes a list of who has central air and who doesn’t.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Jimmy’s street team asks unsuspecting pedestrians if they heard about the recent (fictional) things Donald Trump said in the latest Lie Witness News.