Monologic: Corden, Conan, and Fallon joke about Black Friday and Cyber Monday

jimmy fallon tonight show cyber monday
Still from NBC

The Late Late Show with James Corden

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This year, James Corden experienced not only his first Thanksgiving in America, but his first Black Friday. After showing clips of shopping madness, Corden assumes these people “just go for a socially acceptable excuse to punch a stranger in the face.” He tells his audience, “I assume you’re watching this on a brand new 60 inch flat screen from the comfort of your brand new full body cast.” But the end is nigh for this madness, because Amazon recently revealed footage of its new drone delivery technology. With the ability to sense and avoid its surroundings, Corden wonders what could possibly go wrong with the new tech. “It’s just a flying robot covered in spinning blades that knows exactly where you live. It’s gonna be fine.”

The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon

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Jimmy Fallon returned from Thanksgiving break to say, “I don’t want to say I ate too much, but when I got on the scale, it said I had a nice personality.” A poll showed that fewer shoppers turned out to the stores on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. A closer look at the poll reveals how much that was caused by the internet. Speaking of internet shopping, Cyber Monday is “the only day of the year guys have an innocent reason for quickly shutting their laptops and shouting ‘Don’t come in here!'” Fallon found some great Cyber Monday deals for those who may have missed them, including, “If you spend $25, you can personally bulldoze a Barnes & Noble,” and L.L. Bean’s offer of “50% off their smiling white hikers.”

CONAN

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Conan returned from a week-long hiatus to joke that “Cyber Monday is the day when millions of Americans go online to shop, give up after 20 minutes, and look at porn.” In sports news, Los Angeles Lakers legend Kobe Bryant announced he’ll retire at the end of the season. “Meanwhile, the rest of the Lakers announced they quit playing a month ago.” It turns out, the factory that makes Donald trump’s popular “Make America Great Again” hats actually employs Mexican immigrants. “Even more embarrassing for Trump,” says Conan, “his hair is made by Syrian refugees.” And speaking of Trump, yesterday the Donald claimed to have many Muslim friends. “However, when asked for specific names, the only one he could come up with was the genie from Aladdin.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

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In a segment called Pot Quiz, Jimmy Kimmel tested the general knowledge of Hempcon attendees by comparing their knowledge of weed with their knowledge of politics and history. “Can you explain checks and balances?” asks the interviewer to a pot enthusiast, who has no idea. He then asks, “Can you explain hydroponics?” Without missing a beat, the man responds responds with, “What do you want to know?” and lists off everything there is to know before he’s stopped by the interviewer.

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