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On Tuseday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert looked at the foreboding state of the Republican presidential race. The 2016 election is less that a year—”a mere 11 sexy firemen”—away, and polls show Donald Trump holds 42 percent of likely Republican voters. This has sent the Republican National Committee into a frenzied panic, because “they were sure by now he would have left it for a younger campaign.” So, with the primaries right around the corner, the RNC reached out to “a very white knight,” Mitt Romney. About which Stephen admits, “Frankly, I had no idea he wasn’t even in this race.” Romney has repeatedly said that he will not run, but conservative media continues to hope there’s still a chance for him.
The election will be “over in the blink of an eye, and Ben Carson’s already half way through that blink.” By Thanksgiving dinner next week, people will stop worrying about what racist thing a candidate might say, “and start worrying about the racist things their drunk aunt might say.” Then Christmas comes and the primaries begin. The GOP can’t wait around for Trump to self-destruct, because nothing he says or does can stop him. So, Stephen tries to get used to saying “President Trump” without engaging his gag reflux. He is unsuccessful.