Stephen Colbert says stakes are high for candidates Carson, Rubio, and “Unidentified man”

late show stephen colbert ben carson marco rubio
Still from CBS

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On Monday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert discussed how candidates are dealing with the high stakes of the presidential race. The election is only one year away, “which means it’s only 11 months until voters start paying attention.” So, it is crunch time for lesser known candidates like Democrat Martin O’Malley who was captioned a Wall Street Journal picture as “unidentified man.” Stephen says, “worse yet, unidentified man is polling higher than Martin O’Malley.” Marco Rubio recently came under fire for saying he would like to have a beer with Malala Yousafzai, who is both a practicing Muslim and 18 years old. But Stephen clarifies, “it’s all part of his strategy to appeal to young voters by loitering outside of a liquor store.”

The stakes of the upcoming Republican debate are highest for frontrunner Ben Carson, who has been scrutinized by the media for many of his claims. But Stephen wants to focus on the issues that effect us, “like did he really try to stab a dude when he was 14?” So far the man Carson allegedly stabbed has been “unidentified” by the media, “so we can safely assume it’s Martin O’Malley.” CNN called the story into question because none of Carson’s childhood friends or neighbors would back up his story. “Some childhood friends!” scoffs Stephen. “I can’t believe they would stab him in the back about whether he stabbed them in the front!”

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