Stephen analyzes smart pants, smart cars, and selfies

stephen colbert late show
Still from CBS

In this clip from last night’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert takes a jab at ridiculous tech in a segment called Digital Doo. The first bit of laughable tech news is the recent announcement that Google is collaborating with Levi’s to develop smart pants. “It’s about time. My old, dumb pants can’t even remember my waist size,” he says, before yelling at his crotch, “It’s 32, you idiot!” Playing on the age old notion of “We can make it, but should we?” Stephen points out that, thanks to the ability to control your phone by swiping and tapping your jeans, “pretty soon, all your calls will be butt dials,” and the precious seconds you save by not pulling your phone out of your pocket is “time you can spend explaining to the police why you’re rubbing your crotch in public.”

Stephen then moves on to a new addition to the Chevy Malibu that can give a touch screen report card for parents on how their teens are driving, which, Stephen points out, is “safer than the old way: texting your teen while driving.” The feature, which disables audio and tracks speed and distance, can be locked by a PIN, which will be a great form of security “just as soon as your teen teaches you how to use it.”

In the last piece of the segment, Stephen made fun of media fear mongering over the recent discussion of selfie deaths. “Selfies are killing you!” insists Stephen, “But I don’t want to panic you. I’ll let the news do that for you.” We then see a series of sensationalist clips announcing the dangers of taking selfies, followed by a graph that’s laughable by comparison.

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