Late Night Talks: More Pope, Some Trump, and Scott Walker

jimmy kimmel live
Still from ABC

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel’s “Mean Tweets” segment always has an essence of satire because it’s a way of subverting online cruelty by confronting it directly and exposing how completely ineffective and insubstantial it is. Here Kimmel’s fresh stream of celebrity victims read off some of the worst things the internet has to say about them.

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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Devout-Catholic Colbert devoted his entire episode to the Pope, calling it a “Pope-isode,” inviting notable Catholic celebrities, and singing with the YMCA Jerusalem Youth Chorus to honor the Pontiff’s visit. He makes a few light jokes about the Catholic church and the papacy, but his hardest-hitting comments are directed at Congress, who cut the Pope off with applause when he was only half way through quoting the Golden Rule. “Yeah! Do unto others!” shouts Colbert as the voice of the lawmakers. “Yeah! I’m sure that’s the end of the saying!…That’s something Congress can live by.” He goes on to report that the Pope ate with the homeless instead of members of Congress, “possibly because he wanted to eat with people who were less likely to beg him for donations.”

As is often the case, his most satirical point is accomplished by simply showing the naturally ironic truth of a situation. Reminding the audience Pope Francis referred to capitalism as the “dung of the devil,” Colbert says the Pope’s followers can honor his decree “by buying stuff,” like Pope medallions, pullovers, rosary beads, t-shirts, cologne, a tray that features a tweet from the Pope, and a set of three 50-cent pieces for $24.99.

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Late Night with Seth Meyers

Seth makes a very similar joke to Stephen’s remark about Congress and the homeless, pointing out the irony of the situation in which the homeless weren’t the ones begging for money. He also comments on the Pope’s visit to New York, saying despite all the prayers, “traffic in New York is still a f—ing nightmare.” Meyers then fires a shot at the sensationalism of the media after explaining that Fox News canceled Trump’s scheduled interview with Bill O’Reilly, saying, if people want to see news on Trump now they’ll have to resort to “CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS, Bravo, Facebook, Twitter, or just going outside.”

In his Ya Burnt segment, Meyers aims a dig at buzzkill NASA for saying “The Martian” couldn’t happen, and a joke at Bernie Sanders’ hair’s expense, but the satire hits hardest when Meyers jumps on the Pope merchandise hypocrisy, saying Catholics can use the Pope bobble head doll to justify questionable choices. “Hey, Pope, is it okay if I masturbate?” (*nods head vigorously*).

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CONAN

Conan usually goes for the absurdist humor, instead of the satirical reproach, but he’s always ready to get a jab in where necessary. Here Conan explains that at a school in Washington, students gave the president of China a football. The president “took a look at the football and said, ‘Hey, I know the kid who made this.'” Conan also reports Donald Trump recently denied climate change. According to Conan, Trump said, “If there’s a hole in the ozone layer, just comb some ozone from another part over it.”

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The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Fallon has Pope fever, joking about the Pope parting tourists in Time’s Square and holding his first ever prayer in New York in his first ever cab ride. Jimmy hits on some folly talking about how the Pope implored Congressional lawmakers to accept immigrants as their own children, but the lawmakers already have “enough children our wives don’t know about.” He remarks on the pitiful campaign of recent dropout Scott Walker, who announced he would give 2/3 of his campaign funds to Marco Rubio, but, unfortunately, Jimmy says, Rubio didn’t have change for a five. And another Donald Trump remark, this time that Fox News has treated him unfairly, has Jimmy hitting Fox for their conservative echo chamber by assuming President Obama told Trump, “Aw. You are adorable.”

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