"You tried to terrorize New York subway commuters? Nice try! New York commuters don’t even flinch when the subway break dancers kick two inches away from their faces."
"I don't know if the idea was to prove he could sit next to a young girl without hitting on her..."
“Sexual harassment should be a non-partisan issue, and yet many Republicans have tried to cynically exploit the scandal for political gain while simultaneously refusing to denounce the abusers in their own party."
"Trump says he wants to stop crime, but he’s backing an accused child molester over a prosecutor who convicted the KKK, which tells you that when he uses the word 'crime,' that’s not what he really means. He doesn’t want to stop 'crime,' he wants to stop immigrants, refugees, or his political opponents."
"When you're done thanking us, why don't you try voting for us and putting a few of us in office so we can run this s—t."
“It’s simple, people—Birds of a feather molest together.”
LAST WEEK TONIGHT
"Trump's presidency is like one of his handshakes: it pulls you in whether you like it or not."